The real Little Green Man from Mars is alive and well and living in Appalachia.

The Truth Is a Lone Assassin by Jonco Bugos

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Noose By Any Other Name

A rose by any other name wouldn't smell as good. Even a stubborn former Martian like me understands the meaning of this old Earthling saying. It suggests rather poignantly that a name can alter the true nature of just about anything. Call a rose a cabbage and it won't smell nearly as good. That's only human nature.

So why is it that so many Earthlings fail to see that a necktie is nothing more than an elaborate noose? According to the dictionary a "noose" is "a loop with a running knot (as in a lasso) that binds closer the more it is drawn." No truer words have ever described a "necktie", as well. And yet men all over the world are having their necks forced into nooses and some are even willingly putting nooses around their throats in order to keep their jobs, political offices, respect and their women. Some men will even spend far too much money on the nooses Earthlings call "neckties" just to compete with one another for being able to afford designer nooses.

I keep thinking about the part of the definition of the word "necktie" that refers to a lasso. The irony of human life will undoubtedly be the most salient memory I'll take with me to my next life. I think it's terribly ironic that the cowboys of the old American West used lassos for their cattle-herding jobs and never once thought about wearing one around their own necks. And yet, thanks to whiskey, firearms and a reckless spirit, many of them found themselves dangling from such an instrument at the end of their wild and wooly existence.

So, maybe the irony that the Earthling necktie is the natural destiny of the human male on planet Earth is not so ironic after all. What a pity. I hope my next time around is on a planet where all the people are either female or else they have no necks at all.