If you ever wondered why I never made a podcast before, just listen to my voice. If you think that's awful, you're lucky you're just seeing a publicity photo of me and not the real thing fidgeting and squirming around on camera. I don't know how to do subtitles or I would have. And I didn't want to do this podcast through YouTube — where I could add cool annotations that people can read while they're trying to figure out what the hell I'm yapping about — because then YouTube would own my ass. Being trapped in Appalachia is bad enough.
So, let me walk you through the toughest parts. Toward the end of this video I'm saying things like, "Don't make any more room in the garage for tents and stuff. And don't dig out any more of the basement. Take yourself out to lunch. Take the kids to the movies. Buy your dog another dish." OK? If that doesn't help, just use your headphones. Or just skip this post altogether. That's what your scroll bar is for. See what I mean? I'm not trying to sell you a thing. I'm just giving you my opinion since I doubt very much that an opinionated former Martian is something you can just whistle up, like a dog, whenever you're in the mood.
"And like that," as Kojak used to say.