The real Little Green Man from Mars is alive and well and living in Appalachia.

The Truth Is a Lone Assassin by Jonco Bugos

Friday, March 2, 2012


That's right, I'm not showing my face today because I'm hiding in the basement. I'm hiding down here in the basement today because I saw It Came From Outer Space on TV yesterday. I taped it off a classic TV station two years ago and watched it again today because I like those 1950's sci-fi B movies better than the computer-generated junk you get today. So then I got scared and then I hid in the basement. I suppose you want to know why.

OK, I know that wasn't a meteor in the movie It Came From Outer Space. It was an extraterrestrial spaceship. Man, those aliens must've been dumb if they had to get to Earth by blasting their way clear across space like they were shot out of a stupid cannon. Anyway, I'm hiding because I'm a former Martian. I'm a former Martian and I'll never forget that no matter how many Hershey bars I consume or how many cups of mountain-grown roasted coffee I drink or how many slices of pizza I eat. Especially while I'm watching my favorite old sci-fi B movies. Like Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, It Came From Outer Space, Invaders From Mars and Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman, one of my favorites. Anyway, Martians like me were afraid of meteors. So now you know.

Of course those movies weren't as good as Forbidden Planet or The War of the Worlds or even This Island Earth but during the routine cheesy parts you can make a quick trip to the fridge for a snack and not feel that you missed anything you haven't seen before. That's the real beauty of B movies, you know. You get stupid shit that would probably never happen in real life but it scares you just the same.

But, hey, I've been rerouted again by TV. What I'm here blogging about on my old Acer PC in my basement is meteors. The hell with spaceships. The hell with comets. Comets never hit planets (OK, except Jupiter) but meteors hit them all the time. Like big-ass burning bullets from the sky. Twice in my life I saw the night sky turn bright as day from meteors as big as Buicks hitting Earth's atmosphere and then burning up and scaring the bejeezus out of me before they hit the ground somewhere and when they find them, they're only as big as a softball or maybe a football. What a sneaky trick from outer space.

So, yeah, I'm here in the basement hiding out because I think there'll be a meteor shower tonight even though there's absolutely nothing on the news about one. But, hey, I'm no fool. Meteors are just like outta control people and mad dogs. They attack when you least expect it. So, if you want my advice, take cover. Hide in your basement. Take a sandwich with you.

Meteor Update!